I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
