Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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