the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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