Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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