Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
