I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
