whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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