I just pynch a tree in the face
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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