he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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