if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
