I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
