I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
