Too much gin, very little bucket
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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