Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
