What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
