I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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