Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
