I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
