I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
