Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
