Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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