my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
