I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
