i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
