You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Four minutes until I can fart!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Randomize
