at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
