Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Boobs are out for the taking
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
