I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
