Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
