Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
