is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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