i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
