she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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