I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
