You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This is classic penis vs brain.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
