i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
