I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
