How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
