Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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