but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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