Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
