Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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