I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
