Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Also, beer. Big fan.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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