i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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