don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.