You can't special order awesome
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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