i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
