So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
