if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
