Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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