I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
