i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
