Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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