Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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