The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
