someone get that fucking seahorse.
People in love make me want to vomit
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
