so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
