a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He has the fingertips of a God
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