Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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