Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
