Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your penis caused this!
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