I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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