my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
