On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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