idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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