We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
