Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
