When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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